Scots

Wikipedia says that Scots is the Germanic language variety historically spoken in Lowland Scotland and parts of Ulster. It is sometimes called Lowland Scots to distinguish it from Scottish Gaelic, the Celtic language variety spoken in most of the western Highlands and in the Hebrides. Since there are no universally accepted criteria for distinguishing languages from dialects, scholars and other interested parties often disagree about the linguistic, historical and social status of Scots.

Anyone who entertains this notion can read Matt Fitt's But n Ben A-Go-Go and then tell us all about how hard it is to distinguish dialects and languages! ;)

Here's some Scots:

The But n Ben's location had been carefully waled. The dachas on the Gorms belanged the ubercless, each ane hoosin a paragon o Port douceness an respectability. Diamond Broon's cyberpauchler reputation wisna tholed by the ultra-perjink community on the ither side sae he had wrocht himsel a coorse den in sicht an lugshot a their quiet untrauchled hames an had thrawnly keepit a pairty bilin there 24-oor a day for a lang radge twinty year.

Paolo summoned his heritor's Klog dourness. The villa reeked o Diamond Broon. He could guff its neep-heidit excess fae the tap o the moontain where he paused for hauf a second. Diamond Broon's sleekit hame spreid oot ablow him. Mindins -- some sweet, maist soor -- hotched throu his memory. Wi boak accruin in his craigie, Paolo forced himsel tae shauchle on.

He plowdered doon the stey slope owre the scaumit rocks, the lieutenant hochlin alang a wee thing ahint him. Paolo had near forgotte her but it looked like she wisna gaun tae lea him alane. He wid let her think he wis aye her prisoner as lang as she didna use her airm-com tae clype their position tae Port. They raxed the perimeter o the But n Ben. A watch touer loured up on their left. Paolo wunnered if their ingang tae the compoond wid kittle the scurity systems auto-snipers.

"Ye gaun tae v-mail the Ceilidh tae come an tak me awa, lieutenant?" Paolo speired Vermont as she pauchled tae a halt alangside him. "Dae it nou, then. Or yir signal will set aff the hiddlin machine-gunners as soon as go ben."