Inverse Relay 2/Kamakawi: Difference between revisions
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===Smooth English=== | ===Smooth English=== | ||
We all travel to the ocean in the spring. The traveling is difficult. Snow still covers the passes when we first cross the mountains. Then we are at the forest. Fallen trees prevent our crossing. We arrive at the windy steppes, and then at the ocean. Over the ocean, we talk and sell very good traveling food. We all travel home in the winter. | We all travel to the ocean in the spring. The traveling is difficult. Snow still covers the passes when we first cross the mountains. Then we are at the forest. Fallen trees prevent our crossing. We arrive at the green windy steppes, and then at the ocean. Over the ocean, we talk and sell very good traveling food. We all travel home in the winter. | ||
==Corrected version by David Peterson== | ==Corrected version by David Peterson== | ||
Au ale uei ie aila lenelele.{{ref|1|1}} Meuto ale. A kititiú itiva pake | |||
hie aupe ale uei iu pake heva ape.{{ref|2|2}} U ala ie falele.{{ref|3|3}} Au li kapolo | |||
kawau'u i amo, au ale uei i amo heva, au liwi uamo i uei.{{ref|4|4}} Ae ale | |||
i ava fale hevaka ko, upe neale ie aila.{{ref|5|5}} U kala oi apule | |||
iu hava aleale ea'a eyana heva aila.{{ref|6|6}} Ale uei ie palei etielele.{{ref|7|7}} | |||
===Notes=== | |||
*{{note|1|1}}Ordinarily one doesn't use articles after a preposition in Kamakawi (on account of their diachrony). Plus, here I think the regular object marker is called for. Also, the word for "spring" works as an adverb, too. | |||
*{{note|2|2}}Arthaey coined an ''awesome'' word here in "snow-covered", but I'd use it as a verb rather than an adjective here. | |||
*{{note|3|3}}Here I'd use ''ala'' as a verb rather than a preposition. Also of interest: I mistook ''my own word'' here. In my translation into Kelen, I read ''falele'', which means "forest", as something like "grass plains". What a goof! | |||
*{{note|4|4}}The pronoun ''uei'' doesn't occur in the previous clause, so it must be introduced as a new subject with ''au''. | |||
*{{note|5|5}}''Ae'' can be used since the previous object is ''uei''. The object markers were omitted in both clauses. Both subject pronouns can be removed on account of the subject status markers. | |||
*{{note|6|6}}Missing object marker before ''u'', unnecessary subject pronoun, but the change to ''aleale'' is something that my grammar simply could not have explained. That changed it to "traveling food". I also ''completely'' misunderstood what "selling things across the ocean" meant. Now I get it. | |||
*{{note|7|7}}Missing object marker, but otherwise, nice thematic choices! | |||
===Smooth English=== | ===Smooth English=== | ||
We go to the ocean in spring. The going is difficult. The mountain pass is still covered with snow when we first cross the mountains. We come to the forest. Fallen trees block our way. We come to the windy grass plain, and then reach the ocean. We talk and sell our very good traveling food across the ocean. We go home in the winter. | |||
{{relay|relay=Inverse Relay 2|prev=Inverse Relay 2/Asha'ille|next=Inverse Relay 2/Kēlen}} | |||
[[Category:Inverse Relay 2]] | |||
Latest revision as of 00:06, 29 April 2012
Translation by Arthaey Angosii
Au ale uei ala e aila pe lenelele. Meuto ale. A itiva pake i kititiú hie aupe ale uei iu pake heva ape. U uei i ala e falele. Au li kapolo kawau'u i amo, ae ale uei i amo heva, au liwi uamo i uei. Au ale uei ala u ava fale hevaka ko a, upe neale uei e aila. U kala oi apule uei u hava ale'u ea'a eyana heva e aila. Ale uei e palei pe etielele.
Smooth English
We all travel to the ocean in the spring. The traveling is difficult. Snow still covers the passes when we first cross the mountains. Then we are at the forest. Fallen trees prevent our crossing. We arrive at the green windy steppes, and then at the ocean. Over the ocean, we talk and sell very good traveling food. We all travel home in the winter.
Corrected version by David Peterson
Au ale uei ie aila lenelele.1 Meuto ale. A kititiú itiva pake hie aupe ale uei iu pake heva ape.2 U ala ie falele.3 Au li kapolo kawau'u i amo, au ale uei i amo heva, au liwi uamo i uei.4 Ae ale i ava fale hevaka ko, upe neale ie aila.5 U kala oi apule iu hava aleale ea'a eyana heva aila.6 Ale uei ie palei etielele.7
Notes
- ^1 Ordinarily one doesn't use articles after a preposition in Kamakawi (on account of their diachrony). Plus, here I think the regular object marker is called for. Also, the word for "spring" works as an adverb, too.
- ^2 Arthaey coined an awesome word here in "snow-covered", but I'd use it as a verb rather than an adjective here.
- ^3 Here I'd use ala as a verb rather than a preposition. Also of interest: I mistook my own word here. In my translation into Kelen, I read falele, which means "forest", as something like "grass plains". What a goof!
- ^4 The pronoun uei doesn't occur in the previous clause, so it must be introduced as a new subject with au.
- ^5 Ae can be used since the previous object is uei. The object markers were omitted in both clauses. Both subject pronouns can be removed on account of the subject status markers.
- ^6 Missing object marker before u, unnecessary subject pronoun, but the change to aleale is something that my grammar simply could not have explained. That changed it to "traveling food". I also completely misunderstood what "selling things across the ocean" meant. Now I get it.
- ^7 Missing object marker, but otherwise, nice thematic choices!
Smooth English
We go to the ocean in spring. The going is difficult. The mountain pass is still covered with snow when we first cross the mountains. We come to the forest. Fallen trees block our way. We come to the windy grass plain, and then reach the ocean. We talk and sell our very good traveling food across the ocean. We go home in the winter.
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